What it means to be alive

Mostly my life is wanting something and being afraid, with lengthy stretches just performing tasks at hand. There are little patches here and there of simply breathing and being aware, and I love these; I’m tempted to make a religion out of them. But this is all there is, practically speaking, and it gets used up and goes away. The really old people I see laugh a lot. I want to laugh like that. I want to live a long, long time.

So I want the world to be a place I can laugh in. I want to make sure of it. I’m afraid I can’t.

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